The Evolution of Michael Scott (with Parantheticals)

The world’s best boss wasn’t made in a day
It took seven years to become Michael Gary Scott

Year one:
When you recite a racist joke that leads to diversity training
It’s a hard lesson learned that you can’t repeat everything you hear

(Note to self: comedy is best kept to the comedians. I’m not a comedian.)

Year two:
When you wake to the smell of sizzling bacon on your Foreman Grill
Always be mindful to not cook your foot

(Note to self: always purchase the precooked bacon. No grill necessary.)

Year three:
When your former boss and mentor is decapitated in a wreck
Look to close friends to make you feel better

(Note to self: Take the bus. No one has ever heard of a bus decapitation.)

Year four:
When you run over an employee with your Chrysler Sebring
Consider organizing a 5k Fun Run to prevent the spread of rabies

(Note to self: running has literally never cured anyone of a disease.)

Year five:
When you don’t feel appreciated its likely time to quit
And start your own paper company to force your boss’s appreciation

(Note to self: just write a stern email and take a personal day.)

Year six:
When you promise to pay the tuition of a whole class of students
Be sure to start saving early or give them laptop batteries instead

(Note to self: I can barely pay for my own tuition, much less, someone else’s.)

Year seven:
When you fall in love with the cute HR lady
Propose in the annex and move to Boulder, Colorado

(Note to self: Colorado is cold in the winter. Stay in Florida.)